“Is this a fast painting or a slow one?” My husband asks.
This question gives me pause.
“A fast one” I reply.
My paintings usually take days to complete. On average three days. A smaller one quicker. Commissions are still “slow” paintings.
Lately, though I have taken to completing paintings in a single sitting. This may well be several hours, but its a single sitting.
The results are more sponanteous-looking. The process feels slightly out of control. Often I think “I have bitten off more than I can chew” here. But I stick with it. Years of painting have taught me to ignore the impulse to give up. To push on, even when when it looks a bit ugly.
There may well be things wrong; colours or details but they dont matter too much. I will alter them if they really bug me. Mostly I dont. The brush strokes are broken and incomplete. In some places they are deliberately rough. The canvas shows through in places. Often I am uncertain if I like the painting when I stop. Its usually a bit of a surprise. I have to fight my perfectionism.
I am racing ahead of my thoughts. Ahead of my critical mind that tells me its not good enough and to keep painting. Now I refuse to listen and keep going. It’s intense and exhausting.
My father died in June this year. He was 92. My heart is broken. He was a lovely, funny and kind man and I miss him terribly.
A well-known American poet–whose name, typically, I can’t remember–used to write a poem a day. How did he manage it? someone asked. “Lower your standards,” he said.
A good way to fight perfectionism.
My condolences on the loss of your father. I know how deep that wound can be.
I’m So sorry about your father, Emma. The only consolation is that he lived a full life (mine died at 62). Of course that won’t stop you missing him…
Oh Marina, I am so sorry your father died so young. My husband’s father died in his 50s! A terrible shock for his family. Yes, I miss him daily.
My condolences for the loss of your father! He looks good in that photo. As for painting, I take weeks and months to complete one, and I keep thinking I will get faster and better, but not yet.
Thank you, Nein. Yes people who know him in the village were all amazed that he was 92. He was a very active man. I think that his years of outdoor pursuits like golf and gardening helped keep him healthy.
Lovely paintings Emma. I’m very sorry to hear about your father. It is such a big thing when a parent dies, life altering. Sending you lots of love.
Katharine
Thank you, Katherine. I appreciate your comments. Yes, it is life-altering.
Deepest condolences for the loss of your father Emma. I hope your painting brings you some peace and comfort at this sad time.
Thank you Annette. I could paint for quite a while. I would just look at the colours.
*not*
Oh Emma, so sorry about your father. So nice of you to include that special photo of you and him. The paintings are lovely as always.
Thank you Pam. I am finding it pretty tough.